Missing old behaviors?
Pining away for every script your child ever perseverated on for hours on end?
Sick to death of all that pesky PROGRESS?
Fear not, we here at Diary of a Mom (ok, me here at Diary of a Mom, but doesn’t it sound better with ‘we’?) have been working ’round the clock to create and perfect a patented two-step process* that makes returning to old behaviors as easy as 1,2,3!
Never again will you ask yourself, ‘How in the world can I get my little Johnny to stomp his feet and shriek loudly enough to break the windows?’.
With our patented two-step process* (plus added bonus steps for ULTRA performance!), you will be well on your way to reviving the very best that regression has to offer. Scripting, yelling, stomping, shouting, crying, hooting, fits of decontextual laughter AND tears and even – get this! – AT TIMES A COMPLETE AND TOTAL LACK OF LANGUAGE – will no longer be things of the past.
Other plans may promise similar results, but this one is PROVEN to work on even the most stubborn progress.
We here at Diary know that money is scarce these days so FOR A SHORT TIME ONLY we are offering the secrets of this groundbreaking patented two-step process* for the low, low price of YOUR BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS!
That’s right folks, ACT NOW and you get ALL OF THIS REGRESSION for the ridiculously low price of HEARTBREAK. Can’t afford it all upfront? Fear not, my friends. You get to pay ALL THE WAY THROUGH the period of regression AND BEYOND! That’s right; we have an INSTALLMENT PLAN.
So place your orders now folks. Be the first on your block to know the secret!!
(Additional terms and conditions may apply. Offer void in Alaska. No, not really.)
* Step one – Take a week off from school for spring break.
* Step Two – Get a dog.
[Updated to add]
Editor’s note ~ After reading some of your initial comments, I am compelled to add the following …
I wrote this post on Saturday after something of a hellish morning. It made me laugh when I desperately needed to laugh.
Although it was a tough week, not all of it was dog related. A week off from school and out of the routine is always difficult for Brooke. A week off with a new dog, a stressed out mom and a sister with a nagging cough is REALLY difficult.
Brooke has made HUGE strides with Winston.
I will write about them soon.
But in the meantime, please understand that this was written from a moment in time and there’s a much bigger picture that surrounds it.
Thank you for your support!!