Comments on: empathy explored – and ignored

By: Tackling a Few Myths About Autism | Simple. I Just Do.

Tackling a Few Myths About Autism | Simple. I Just Do. — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 13:11:22 +0000

[...] My son has empathy. There have been times (like on my birthday a few years ago), where I thought he lacked a shred of it, but there have been times that he has comforted me when I was crying or upset, or just needed a hug. In fact there are many who will say that people on the spectrum have too much empathy, and that is why they have to distance themselves from others, because they just feel too much. I particularly like Diary of a Mom’s post on this subject. [...]

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 07:51:44 +0000

My son is 14 and he has issues “putting himself in other’s shoes”. A good example of this is he cannot understand why his friend likes a particular girl he finds really annoying. He feels his friend is not being at all reasonable he should find her annoying also. Annoying is not cute! He also laughs when people slip or fall I swear he sees it like a movie like the 3 stooges or Tom and Jerry. He will get to laughing and them try to explain the humor while helping them up or even bandaging them up if needed but he is still laughing. He would be laughing if he fell also so why aren’t they. Pain is not the same for him so he would be mad he failed at what he was trying to do or laughing at what happened. It is almost useless to try to explain that they do not find it funny. If they blow up at him he will yell” I have autism alright, I can’t help it” if they don’t buy they are hurt or sad and someone helps him know that he will later give them a card or a gift and say he is sorry but he has autism and can’t help it.

By: Marjorie Madfis

Marjorie Madfis — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 16:23:58 +0000

This is my perspective as a mother of a 16 year old girl who attends a public high school.
There is quite a difference between empathy and theory of mind. My daughter has great empathy, but poor theory of mind. The first is about feelings, the second is about thoughts. Anticipating what someone might be thinking, and all the possible options is what is the challenge. The range of thoughts is infinite and thoughts in themselves are abstract. Feelings are pretty concrete and instinctual.

I did “like” the slide that showed that girls with autism don’t have friendships with typical girls by the time they are 10 – which is true in our case. I agree with the point that the best way to learn is directly from typical peers. Despite the fact that my daughter is attending a wonderful public high school, as i had blogged – inclusion has not achieved the goal of social modeling and friendships that I really hoped and wished – perhaps unrealistically.

http://myperseverations.wordpress.com/

By: jess

jess — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:24:25 +0000

Thank you, Sharon, for sharing your thoughts here and for all that you do every day to create a platform for so many voices that desperately need to be heard. I am so grateful that my daughter is growing up in a world where AWN exists and thrives. It’s everything.

By: Sharon daVanport

Sharon daVanport — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:17:34 +0000

One of the most widespread stereotypes about all people on the autism spectrum is lack of empathy. It’s troubling to see these myths continually put out in social media as if they are facts. As an autistic woman, it’s even more concerning to see Ms. Bazelon’s talk directed toward autistic females. We already face a number of disparities which place hurdles before us. We’re not included in research studies as often as males, and too many of us fly under the diagnostic radar and don’t receive a diagnosis until later in life. It’s important that misinformation like that which is riddled throughout Ms. Brazelon’s talk be countered swiftly. It can’t be stressed enough that no one should be talking about autistic people without having first included autistic people in the preparation of material to be shared. I’m guessing Ms. Brazelon didn’t speak to a single autistic woman while preparing her talk. So. Very. Wrong. It can’t be stressed enough, “NOTHING ABOUT US WITHOUT US!” Thank you for sharing this, Jess.

Sharon daVanport
President
Autism Women’s Network

By: Lucy

Lucy — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 08:49:20 +0000

I am 24 and female and I have a diagnosis of autism. I am quite lucky because I have a ‘splinter skill’ which has made me very good at writing and understanding written words! I do have empathy and I can honestly say that during my four years living in care homes with other autistic people, that they too have and show empathy. Okay so I can be blunt at times and maybe not always notice that I have upset someone with my words, but at other times I will notice and I will apologise. One of the people I used to live with was diagnosed with classic autism. He was very textbook in a lot of ways with an intense interest in tractors and lawn mowers. A lot of people questioned whether he felt empathy. I found out one day that he did. My rabbit Jenifer died after an illness and he came over to see me. Everyone was a bit concerned about what would happen next because it was not unknown for him to unintentially say things that would make the situation worse! He leant down, grabbed my hands gently and said ‘I’m so sorry about Jenifer’ then wrapped me in a hug. At that point I was not the only person crying in the room! I don’t like people generalising about autism because it makes our self-esteem go lower and can cause problems. In my case the myth that all high functioning autistics can do complex maths has affected my confidence because I can’t! I might actually watch the video later if my computer allows me to!

By: aranse

aranse — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 08:29:50 +0000

Thank you so much
I append to be a male,diagnosed as HFA,u just wrote what andered, pained and terified me all of my life,and still does,my baby girl is just like me,and no way i would ever abandoned her to the pro’s,never

By: Carol

Carol — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 04:18:16 +0000

My son is quite empathetic – when he was younger (he’s now 19), he would take my emotions or those near him and amplify them then blast them in behaviors or meltdowns etc. Testing week at schools was a challenge building up to it as the stress of the teachers and students increased so would his. I’ve called him my emotional barometer. I’ve been working with him to understand that the emotions of others is not his and so he can choose to not engage it.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 01:53:16 +0000

When the doctor first used the word “autism” to describe my 3 year old son, I was heartbroken to hear that most likely meant he would live life without empathy or compassion for other people…two things I wanted so badly to pass on to my kids. Now, two years later, I can agree with you all that this is simply not the case. My son has empathy for other people’s feelings, and responds to social cues as well. Although when his 3 year old brother cries, he usually says, Winston crying! and smacks him on the head, when our 1 year old cries, he takes his hand and says Its ok, don’t cry Michael! Every day when he leaves school, he makes sure to say Goodbye to Sam, the boy in his class who also rides his bus. I’m disappointed at the direction this talk went, especially because it seems like this woman wanted to find “stories” to fit her preconceived idea instead of looking at the people that she met and letting their experiences dictate her talk. And finally, to people labeling autistic kids a “tragedy”, please save your concern for real tragedies, like miscarriages, homicide, world hunger. No parent has ever said that raising kids is easy, no matter what special circumstances you are dealt along the way. I love all my sons, because each of them has been a BLESSING.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 00:59:23 +0000

Autism= lack of empathy? I think there’s enough of us calling BS just here in the comments to put that theory to rest once and for all, and I for one, am grateful for your strong and articulate voice on this subject. Struggling to communicate empathy and having a complete lack of it, are not even close to being the same thing.In our household,any family member that gets angry or cries is often asked by Vincent, our brilliant,sweet,beautiful and EMPATHETIC 10 year old, “How do you feel?! Be happy Please!! Are you happy??!! But the one memory that all this brought to mind for me was being at the hospital with my mom in her final few days, far from home, with no choice but to have my then 18 month old Vin with me. It did’ntfeel right, but with nobody to leave him with I told myself he would ‘t remember. This was back when autism was just a word to me. who knew he would be able to recite his entire second birthday celebration to this day!? Anyway, after a particularly hard day of very hard, gut wrenching decision making at the hospital, back at mom’s apartment, I was having a sobbing breakdown, lying in bed,unable to even care for my child, he came and rubbed by back and sang me to sleep.” Mommy sleep, mommy sleep” he sang in his 18 month old baby voice. It was scripted directly from Oobi, but I didn’t know things like “scripting”, “echolalia” or “theory of mind” back then, but it seems I sure knew empathy!