I ain’t gonna sugar coat it, friends.
This week has sucked.
Like really, really sucked.
Like a lot.
Those of you on Diary’s Facebook page may have gathered as much when my status on Tuesday night was,
After a really, really, really sh-tty day, seventeen replays of Elmo’s World Happy Holidays with my girl might turn out to be just what the doctor ordered.
Or perhaps you got the feeling that things weren’t going so well when you read this one last night:
I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche –> A note to those who work with my child: You don’t have to like me, even though I’d like to think I’m pretty likable. You don’t have to respect me, even though I’m pretty sure I’ve earned your respect. You don’t have to pretend to be my friend, though I’d really like to be yours. But please know this – if you lie to me, I will not trust you again.
When I start quoting Nietzsche – when anyone starts quoting Nietzsche – you know it ain’t good.
I think my close friends were pretty certain it was bad when I posted a paragraph to them last night that managed in seven sentences (run-on though they may have been) to use the F word as virtually every part of speech and then ended with ‘Oh, and just to really top it off right, I came out to find a twenty-five dollar parking ticket and a forty dollar expired plate ticket wedged into my windshield wiper.”
So I’m tired.
And I’m angry.
Yesterday, when I thought I might actually explode like one of those Road Runner era cartoon characters whose head starts to steam and then finally goes flying off his shoulders and into space, I decided to devote the day to being tired and angry. Just one day. Cause the whole cartoon head steaming and taking off like a rocket just isn’t an option in the world in which I live.
So yesterday, I embraced the suckage.
And then at 11:30 last night, I finally closed my computer and pulled the curtain on the day.
Now, I’m starting over.
I spent last night doing what I could do about the things about which something could be done. As for the rest of it, is simply is.
Since that last sentence sounded an awful lot like the Serenity Prayer, I decided to look it up.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Pretty well sums it up. But it turns out there’s more. Who knew?
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
“Taking as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.’
Hmm. Gonna have to chew on that.
And that surrendering part?
But this part about ‘reasonably happy’ – really??
I mean, listen, I’m all for under promising and over delivering, but aren’t we setting the bar just a little low with ‘reasonably happy in this life’?
Seriously, is that the best we can do?
Yesterday I might have said yes. But yesterday was devoted to being miserable. Today I’m gonna say no.
Today I’m going to train my lens on the good. And even in the midst of the disaster that was yesterday, there was good. There always is.
So here goes …
After auditioning more than two weeks ago, my Katie found out that she got a solo in the final fifth grade concert. She is beside herself with joy. When she told me the news she said, “Mama, I’m really proud of myself,” and I realized – that’s everything.
Brooke answered the phone last night. And talked. To me. And when I asked if she’d had a good day, she used her brand spanking new favorite colloquialism, “You bet!” And then she said what she always says when she’s done talking. “Well, I better get started!” And then she was gone.
And for the thirty seconds of that conversation, the jackassery of the day and the nightmare that has been the week melted into an inconsequential puddle.
My girl answered the phone.
And talked to me.
And nothing else mattered.
It is on that note that I choose to start this day.
Focused on the good.
And reciting my very own serenity prayer.
I did what I could do about the things about which something could be done.
As for the rest of it, is simply is.
And reasonably happy is not enough.