Comments on: a pink sock sorry

By: Allison

Allison — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 22:32:07 +0000

Carolyn, I am having this same issue with my girls. My youngest, 7, is showing the same lack of self-regulation when dealing with, well, everything– that her 3 older sibs (2 AS confirmed, 1 ADHD with AS tendencies) have. It is making me nervous and I am second (and third, and fourth) guessing myself. On the one hand, this IS normal behavior in her world, so it is most likely just “learned” behaviors. BUT, with the family history– WHAT IF she’s really on the spectrum, but her behaviors are late emerging? Other 3 I knew something was going on when they were toddlers, but maybe? It’s a fine line. I realize my child is older than yours, so it wouldn’t work so well for you, but I have been trying to talk more about how her sisters get so upset because they are NOT able to choose another reaction yet, while she DOES have that ability to look at the problem and see a solution before having a meltdown. At this time, there are no issues in the classroom, so I am hopeful that this is a phase she’s going through. But– my oldest daughter is a model student, too, so much so that her teachers were shocked when we had her diagnosed officially. There is no definitive answer for any of us! All I can say is trust your gut, talk with your support crew, and get the younger one involved in some play groups for more peer interaction. 3 is an age for trying on different personalities, and the ones he’s around most will be the first to mimic. Also, our spectrum kids get a lot of our attention…your little guy may be looking for some extra mama time. When his behavior is on target, give him a few minutes one-on-one time, and see if the meltdowns don’t melt away. Good luck!

By: Seeking a Connection « Autism Speaks Official Blog

Seeking a Connection « Autism Speaks Official Blog — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 16:47:13 +0000

[...] I read a diary of a mom’s ‘a pink sock sorry,’ I immediately fell back to my younger self trying to connect with my older brother Jeff. I [...]

By: Jess

Jess — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 15:42:12 +0000

Carolyn,

My NT daughter is my eldest, so I imagine that the dynamic between my girls is very different than it would be were their ages were reversed. Also, at ten, Katie is far less likely to mimic behavior than she might have been as a toddler.

I have a number of friends who DO experience this though and I know that it can be worrisome.

It can be tough to discern what is mimicry / learned behavior and what might be innate. Remember that toddlers learn by imitation, so it’s perfectly natural to assume that your little one is simply parroting what he sees his brother do, but if you have concerns, I wouldn’t hesitate to raise them with your support folks just to be sure.

Hope that helps.

Jess

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 15:16:15 +0000

I have a question for you Jess – does your ‘neurotypical’ child ever exhibit autistic behaviours because one of her closest playmates (her sister) has aspergers? My youngest son is three years old (his brother on the spectrum is 7) and he is beginning to act and sound just like his brother. This behaviour is starting to make me nervous. To date, he has not exhibited any real spectrum behaviours, but now he is beginning to throw tantrums and speak similarly to his older brother. Have you run across this? Any suggestions?

By: Allison Fondacaro

Allison Fondacaro — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 01:21:20 +0000

This post is beautiful and heartbreaking – but like someone else said, the tears actually felt good to me because I knew someone else understood what I have been feeling with my boys. They are only 3 and 5, so the youngest can’t express what Katie does, but he is already asking things like ‘why is S always so mean to me?’ God, it kills me every time, but somehow, reading your words makes it a little easier to manage.

By: martha

martha — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 01:04:20 +0000

the message resonates – siblings, parents, generations. your are blessed with many gifts my dear.

By: Terri

Terri — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 02:55:46 +0000

Your amazing girls & family teach me so much. Thank you for sharing your experiences so that my family can learn from them as well. Thank you always for a new perspective & hope.

By: Tanya Savko

Tanya Savko — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 00:39:28 +0000

“…in the way that they need to receive it” – Whenever I see Aidan (at almost 15) sitting on the floor and playing Lego with his older brother, interacting and laughing alongside him, I realize that he has learned this concept and taken it to heart. It took a long time, but he’s fine with it now, and I know Katie will be too. Sounds like she’s pretty close already!

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 00:18:55 +0000

This post reminds me of some amazing advice I received from a friend just after my son’s diagnosis with aspergers. I was lamented about how he didn’t have any friends and she said ‘is he happy?’. I was startled. Actually he is. He likes being alone. Then she said, when you held him in your arms right after he was born did you look at him and say ‘I want you to be the most popular boy in your class?’. I snorted with laughter. Of course not, I said ‘I wanted him to be happy and healthy!’. She said to me then just go back to that. Go back to wanting him to be happy and healthy in WHATEVER way he defines it. It isn’t about what you want and need. It’s about his wants and desires. What he needs and what makes him happy. It’s agonizing sometimes to do. It’s so darn tempting to place what I hold dear on him. To assume that since I learned of the concept of a friend at 18 months and immediately wanted at least 7, that automatically that’s what he wants to. But it isn’t. Sometimes he just wants to be alone and that’s ok. Tough stuff and I’m 36. No wonder it’s hard for your daughter at her young age. Great mommy moment though you should be proud at how well you handled it.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 23:04:19 +0000

Your girls are both amazing and I think that just might be one of the best ways ever to say “I’m sorry”.