.
More than anything, I want to find out how the sleep thief does it. How does he steal the anxiety that the daylight so jealously guards?
~ From The Thief in the Night, Diary, June, 2008
**
Even sleep is not enough to ward off the demons tonight
She tosses and turns
Pushes
Shoves
Swipes at the air
At what?
Her face – always so peaceful in sleep, is contorted
A mask of frustration
Discomfort
Unease
I can’t chase away autism’s demons tonight
I’d take them on with my bare hands if I could
If they had the courage to show themselves
To stand up and fight
Instead they hide
Cowards that they are
And prey on a child
Bastards
She doesn’t deserve this
No one does
She has a right to peace
At the very least in her sleep
Please, God, just give her some peace
I lie down next to her
I’m here, baby
If nothing else, I’m here
Mama loves you
I’m here
She shoves me away
Then frantically pulls me in
She wraps herself around me
Then pushes off against my arms, my legs
And round and round we go
**
I cup her face in my hand
The tears stream down my cheeks
Cold and wet
**
Mama’s here
Tonight, it’s all I have
Hang in there Jess… hang in there little one. ;**(
Sending love,,,vibing to you peace. You’re not alone in your pain. I know that probably doesn’t help much….Jess, I wish I could take it away too. From her, from you, from Cymbie, from myself…. I’d pick up my sword (or maybe a 12 gauge shot gun) and fight with you side by side, if only they would show themselves. xoxoxo
anxiety sucks, plain and simple. so sorry DOAM, one love!
Sometimes there is no rest for the weary. I only hope in her dreams she is successful in her battle. Blessings to you both.
Reading our story in your words again. Bastards
I’m so sorry–so very sorry.
I love you,
Mom
I listened to my son grind his teeth all night from the meds he needs by day to make him functional by day. I made out two checks today, one for speech, one for the summer tutor. Our money bleeds in raising our beloved son. And we look so normal….Joani
Here’s a prayer that today brings more peace and ease for her, for you.
HOPE. I know it hardly has a chance to break through that kind of darkness – but as the morning light shines today please remember the HOPE, Mama. It is REAL.
Love you. Love your beautiful babies.
HOPE.
xo
sorry to hear about the turbulent night. hope that sweet mind of hers has found a little more peace today, a little calm. and i hope your heart is okay, i know nights like this take a toll on it.
I hope the light of a new day brought you both some peace… Better days ahead, I always pray for them!
You will find that, “Mama’s here baby, and Mama loves you”, does and will resonate with her and it will help her to fight off the demons, it just will………..
Love you,
Dad
(((((Jess&Brooke))))) (that’s all i’ve got but it is heartfelt)
We’ve been going through a really rough patch lately over in my world. I wouldn’t wish it on you or anyone else. Even though the war will rage on, hopefully we both get a break from the current battle soon. Peace and blessings to you all! P.S. I read about Katie’s day with Hope. I’m so glad she was able to get that time.