holding hands

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Me and my girl at the beach

Aug 13, 2010

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Hands

Touching hands

Reaching out

Touching me

Touching you

~ Neil Diamond, Sweet Caroline

***

We step out of the car and into the parking lot. I instinctively extend my hand to Brooke as we walk around the back of the car.

She takes it and we walk hand in hand across the lot.

To anyone passing by, we look just like any mother and daughter walking into a store.

Well, almost any.

If they look closely enough, they’ll see that THIS mom is beaming.

The smile just happens.

There’s no way I can suppress the thrill that comes each and every time that my daughter takes my hand – my whole hand – and holds it without complaint.

It’s been eight months now since the first time that she took my hand like this.

And in those eight months, we’ve walked through an awful lot of parking lots.

Yet still, it feels new and novel and wonderful EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I am incapable of taking this moment for granted.

Holding hands with my girl.

A simple act.

That isn’t really so simple.

At all.

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20 thoughts on “holding hands

  1. So happy that you have this joy as well. It is new to Nate and me, and I still can’t help but actually look at his hand in mine every single time. I smile too, as it is our little secret how amazing it is. :)

  2. I have always wanted to be the mom that took her kids to the store without any thought or plan of action. How many moms get in the car and just go? No thought, no problems, they just do it. Not for us. It would give me such angina just thinking about it, that I would just chicken out. Would he act up and start getting angry if we didn’t get something he wanted or would he script-hate the scripting, ugh. Yesterday I was one of THOSE mom’s, we did stores and it was okay. WOW. I know you know what I mean…..it is the simple things.

  3. Yes! I totally revel in that same sensation. It’s kind of a new development here, too. I wonder, will it ever feel so “normal” that I don’t even notice it? I kind of hope not.

  4. It is such a beautiful thing. I still cherish it. I used to get the most ugly, hurtful things said to me. Because I have twins with AS, I had to put them in those little harnesses with the leash. (It was either that or have two toddlers running in opposite directions around shopping centers and parking lots) Yeah, I love that we hold hands now. Better late than never.. and I’ll never take it for granted.

  5. I still get a thrill when my now 40 year old daughter takes my hand as we walk. It never goes away, and it’s even more special for you,because of what it took and what it means. Good for the both of you.
    Love you,
    Dad

  6. i know! sean JUST started holding my hand – even reaching for it sometimes. we don’t usually make it ALL the way across the parking lot but partway is huge for me

  7. Tears. “Hook it,” I say, “Parking lot rules.”…and he does. You know, like we’re gonna square dance. Grab your partner…do-si-do. I know how lucky I am for all the difficulties we don’t have but holding hands it wicked awesome!

  8. This is one of the blessings of autism, isn’t it? We take nothing for granted, and life is that much sweeter for it.

  9. i was just thinking about this recently. the fact that my daughter needs to be led by the hand (whether in the house or out in public). and i’m so thankful that i always get to do this and that she lets me hold her hand.

  10. Pingback: By the Hand « Autism In a Word

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