act now!

*

*

Missing old behaviors?

Pining away for every script your child ever perseverated on for hours on end?

Sick to death of all that pesky PROGRESS?

Fear not, we here at Diary of a Mom (ok, me here at Diary of a Mom, but doesn’t it sound better with ‘we’?) have been working ’round the clock to create and perfect a patented two-step process* that makes returning to old behaviors as easy as 1,2,3!

Never again will you ask yourself, ‘How in the world can I get my little Johnny to stomp his feet and shriek loudly enough to break the windows?’.

With our patented two-step process* (plus added bonus steps for ULTRA performance!), you will be well on your way to reviving the very best that regression has to offer. Scripting, yelling, stomping, shouting, crying, hooting, fits of decontextual laughter AND tears and even – get this! – AT TIMES A COMPLETE AND TOTAL LACK OF LANGUAGE – will no longer be things of the past.

Other plans may promise similar results, but this one is PROVEN to work on even the most stubborn progress.

We here at Diary know that money is scarce these days so FOR A SHORT TIME ONLY we are offering the secrets of this groundbreaking patented two-step process* for the low, low price of YOUR BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS!

That’s right folks, ACT NOW and you get ALL OF THIS REGRESSION for the ridiculously low price of HEARTBREAK. Can’t afford it all upfront? Fear not, my friends. You get to pay ALL THE WAY THROUGH the period of regression AND BEYOND! That’s right; we have an INSTALLMENT PLAN.

So place your orders now folks. Be the first on your block to know the secret!!

(Additional terms and conditions may apply. Offer void in Alaska. No, not really.)

*

* Step one – Take a week off from school for spring break.

* Step Two – Get a dog.

*

[Updated to add]

Editor’s note ~ After reading some of your initial comments, I am compelled to add the following …

I wrote this post on Saturday after something of a hellish morning. It made me laugh when I desperately needed to laugh.

Although it was a tough week, not all of it was dog related. A week off from school and out of the routine is always difficult for Brooke. A week off with a new dog, a stressed out mom and a sister with a nagging cough is REALLY difficult.

Brooke has made HUGE strides with Winston.

HUGE!

I will write about them soon.

But in the meantime, please understand that this was written from a moment in time and there’s a much bigger picture that surrounds it.

Thank you for your support!!



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30 thoughts on “act now!

  1. I really hope ‘this, too will pass’… our four legged family member has been the making of Billy, but the first four months were a series of stressed, pointed looks over the top of a crazy pup and a weeping boy with his hands over his ears.

    Hugs from here.

  2. Oh no, poor thing just wasn’t ready, and she tried to be so brave. We’re doing an awful regression phase with Pudding too, though we haven’t got any new pets, and I can’t think of what it could be. It sucks though, it really sucks.

  3. Adding a puppy to our house hold hasn’t been what we thought it would be over here either. He was very happy at first, now we have lots of screaming and screeching because puppy has grown, has a mind of his own, and god forbid–wants to PLAY. We had hoped for a connection, but I’m not giving up that hope. Please don’t give up either. I know it’s so much more work in our houses to add these little beings, but keep looking ahead toward the day when she can be at peace with the dog. Power of positive thinking and hope (and lots of work and patience and time)

    Hugs.

  4. We are dealing with lots of regression here too but without the puppy just the week off of school. Add in her sisters dance competition this weekend and having to stay in a hotel with hundreds of people and lots of yelling clapping and woo hoo’ing it is a recipe for disaster. I feel your pain.

  5. This sounds very hard indeed. I hope that the return of some routine from school provides an anchor point for your darling girl. And that some calm returns to your home very very soon. Hugs from very far away.

  6. I feel your frustration and heart break. We are just coming out of a couple of very difficult weeks and I must admit I actually felt angry this time around. I felt as though we should be done with this. Wyatt has come so far and made so much progress that I thought regression was a thing of the past. These regressions make me realize how hard he must be working everyday to deal with the normal routine. Sometimes something new, in our case it was Nathan being home on March break, is just too much and then the whole thing comes tumbling down.
    I try to focus on regulation during these times, and going back to what works. I don’t remove the expectations and limits but I do offer a lot of support to help him succeed at meeting them.
    The hardest part is remembering that this will pass. That Brooke, or Wyatt, will not loose any development and that with patience and regulation they will get through it.
    Sending you patience and support.

  7. Oh, let me tell you the joys of our Spring Break. Of the waiting in lines at Hershey Park with a child who wasn adventurous and not bothered by lines at Disney 2 years ago but who know is terrified of every ride and can’t wait in line for more than 2 minutes without losing it. Of the getting up at 2:30 a.m. – FOR THE NIGHT. Of the screamuing crying meltdown of having to wait 5 minutes for lunch time pizza at 11:30 a.m. Of the child who was miserable going to a hockey game – allegedly his favorite activity on earth – because the home team was the minor-league affiliate of his one-time-but-no-longer and his dad’s current favorite team. (Because that’s not fair to the other 29 teams and he loves them all equally don’t you know.)

    And we didn’t even get a dog! Though my other child is DYING for one and I’ve been watching this space for guidance.

    This too, shall pass. Like all the roller coasters my dear son is so afraid of, the uphills are ssssslow and steady and the dips are rapid, severe and terrifying. But at the bottom you’ll find yourself on the way up again.

    Thanks for the laugh and the smile. We can all use them now and then.

  8. For very two steps forward, there is one step backwards… although it does feel like for every 20 steps forward, there are 19 steps backwards… Good luck and stay strong…

  9. Funny, they say kids don’t come with instruction manuals.. but our golden retriever puppy did. Of course the fact that he ate it and pooped it out on our new carpet tells you how well it worked.
    We got the dog in August, and Ben was nervous around him. Of course he had cause, since the dog was teathing and thought nothing of using Ben to do it.
    Last night for the first time, Ben was playing in our room, when Fletcher ran in. I started yelling for Fletcher to get out, and leave Ben alone. Ben fired back with a “No Way!” He wanted the dog to stay and play. Their relationship has improved steadily, and the dog looks for Ben, and now Ben looks for the dog.
    Hang in there. It can take awhile, but they will get to be friends.

  10. Laughing (as long as it’s not a losing-my-sh*t maniacal laugh) is sometimes the only way to get through the heartbreak. They say ‘laughter is the best medicine’ for a reason :)

  11. Taking a break from routines is always a recipe for chaos at my house too. Whatever the change might be. Regression is a normal part of it. But I guarantee you that after two days of falling back into routine, you will see the progress she has made come right back.

  12. Dang, woman.

    I’m glad that the update was up by the time I read this. Light at the end of the tunnel!

    Meanwhile, though. At least you *know* what caused it. And, this too shall surely pass. And, it almost makes me glad I have allergies so we’ll NEVER be tempted into your particular patented two-step process! :-)

  13. Jess, do you find that this is always the case with vacation? What you’re describing has happened to us in the past, but this spring vacation seemed to be a welcome break that has spawned a lot of progress. For what it’s worth, loved this post.

  14. So sorry – we know the heartache of regression well. But as always, my friend, I love your style! Thank God school is back in session!

  15. I just read all the comments and although it is difficult or almost impossible, look at all the others that live in the same world.
    It is what it is, and that’s that, isn’t it?
    I love you so very much…
    Dad

  16. well, they say that no good deed goes unpunished. (well, not they, just somebody, but doesn’t it sound better with “they”?)

    you are such a wonderful mom and writer, and i totally hear you; if we can’t laugh and joke through the hard parts (and this time when i say we i mean we) then we are lost. thanks for not getting lost.

    hang in there, friend. getting the dog was a good deed.

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