the night watch

.

This

THIS, right here I want to SHOUT above your sleeping form

Your tiny little body curled around an improbable number of stuffed animals

This is the mom that I want you to see

This mom – here – now

This mom who is calm – unharried

This mom who is FINALLY running neither to nor from anything

This mom who is not … late, hungry, cranky, tired, in a hurry, has to take care of something first, no not now, later, in a little while, please give me a few minutes, baby, mama needs a break …

No, this

THIS mom

This mom who bows lovingly over your bed

Watching you breathe

Rapt and wrapped in your love

Your spirit

YOU

This mom who lives and breathes you

Who falls in love with you over and over again

Who has forgotten why she was frustrated with you at … dinner, bathtime, bedtime …

Who can focus on nothing – NOTHING! – but you

This mom whose heart aches with pride

.

I want you to remember THIS mom, damn it

But you likely haven’t seen much of her

If you’ve met her at all

.

Because it’s the middle of the night

And you have no idea that she’s here

Watching you sleep

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22 thoughts on “the night watch

  1. geesh! you are SO hard on yourself. They know you, jess. They love, live and breathe you too. Outsiders, like me, can see that.

  2. Beautiful. I always wonder about my kids’ perception of me… Knowing that it’s probably nothing like what I think it is scares the hell out of me.

  3. What have I always told you? So now you know and so do they. What is best of all, they always will know.
    You are all grown up and yet, I fall in love with you everyday.
    Dad

  4. I know that feeling. I can’t sleep without kisses and whispers in there ears. And I even like the smell of their sleeping breath! It is amazing how magically it makes the nagging,whining, crying, disappear. And all we are left with is the miracle that is all of us!!
    Beautiful!!

  5. Jess, As Tara grows, I can only hope to be a mother half as good as you are. Your strength, patience, and unending love never cease to amaze me. xo

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