tired

 

Warning, dear reader. If you’re the type who comes here for a daily dose of optimism, feel free to skip this post entirely. No, seriously, just move right along and we’ll pretend you were never here. Please, you won’t hurt my feelings; I promise. I won’t hold a grudge.

Nothing to see here but a whole big basket of ‘waaaaaah.’ I’m cranky. Like really cranky. And tired. If you decide to keep reading, I make no apologies. You were warned.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of my friends losing their jobs.

I’m tired of keeping my possessions in a bag inside my desk drawer in case I lose mine.

I’m tired of politics, both presidential and personal – and the merging of the two.

I’m tired of the talking heads berating half the country at a time.

I’m tired of waking up in the middle of the night terrified of .. something.

I’m tired of watching the market bleed – and everyone wanting to talk about it – all the time.

I’m tired of the involuntary math in my head .. that the 40% of my net worth that has evaporated is the rough equivalent of five and a half years of my career essentially adding up to naught - all that time away from home – for free.

I’m tired of feeling different.

I’m tired of never, ever, ever being able to be on autopilot.

I’m tired of wishing that my love for my girls could be enough.

I’m tired of constantly thinking about the opportunity cost of everything I do. Time with one of my baby girls is time away from the other. Time for myself is time lost with everyone else.

I’m tired of explaining.

I’m tired of preparing.

I’m tired of fighting my weight.

I’m tired of trying to figure out when to use a semicolon.

I’m tired of feeling like I’ll never catch up.

I’m tired of my daughters asking, ‘Why is Mama crying?’ when I thought they didn’t know.

I’m tired of trying to look like I have it all together.

I’m tired of running my life like an ER triage.

I’m tired of feeling like I have to beat the clock.

I’m tired of knowing how short time really is.

I’m tired of needing a vacation I can’t afford to take.

I’m tired of short changing the kids at bedtime because I have nothing left to give them.

I’m tired of trying to convince people to do something – anything.

I’m tired of autism.

I’m tired of talking about it – all the friggin time.

I’m tired of making decisions.

I’m tired of thinking big.

I’m tired of the paperwork – and the details.

I’m tired of staring down a thirteen mile wall and wondering what the hell I was thinking.

I’m tired of knowing that I won’t give up.

I’m tired of being tired.

Or, maybe I just have PMS.

Same difference.

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24 thoughts on “tired

  1. Until I just read your post, I was tired of feeling like it’s just me that feels like that.

    So, thank you. Even if you weren’t trying to be positive today, you helped my Monday.

  2. I’m glad you said it. There is no law that you have to play Merry Sunshine every day of your life. None of us expect you to! Not only is it really hard some (most) times, it’s OK to say it’s hard and you’re tired.

    xo

  3. I’m with you girl. I’m tired too. I think we are all tired, but this too shall pass. I just know it will. Tomorrow is another day and next year is another year. At least in a couple of days we won’t have to hear those awful ads about the election on TV (that is one consolation). You are an inspiration to many, just remember that!

  4. We all feel that way from time to time (ok sometimes more). Its overwhelming…and at the same time good…give you challenges and makes us better. That said we all know how you feel and share in the feeling.
    Just dont forget we love you and are here to help!!! Dont forget to ask!
    xoxo

  5. I was getting a little tired of your boundless energy so I’m kinda digging this. You are human after all, sweet. Now take a nap and get back to wowing me chop chop!

  6. We are all tired, my friend! You are definitely not alone. And I don’t know about you, but I am definitely PMS’ing…..hugs!

  7. Oh geez, you are so not alone. Every day is metaphorical marathon so, for example, adding a real one might be too much right now. Unlike so many things, you can actually let yourself off the hook on that one. Take it easy, breathe deeply, give yourself a break.

  8. What I want you to know is that one of your greatest attributes is your honesty. Another is that you will never give up!

    You can keep singing the blues anytime you want but keep doing what your doing.

    LOVE AND HUGS,

    Bud

  9. I know how you feel. Oh the tiredness of motherhood. And even though all the magazines say we don’t have to be Superwoman anymore don’t we stil try to be her? Well I give up this week. Come join me on the couch where we shall watch Stacey and Clinton and eat bad bad bad things!

  10. Great post which I am sure many can relate to. Your honesty is appreciated. I find so many of the other blogs seem to be so full of fakeness regarding how parents feel and how their lives are really going. You’re daughter sounds like she is doing great so I wouldn’t worry too much. Keep up the great work.

  11. Thanks for writing this. We all identify, but sometimes it’s so hard to put into words. It weighs on our minds, and when someone else lets it out, then we feel like a little of that weight has lifted. And that’s worth a lot. Take care. Take a deep breath and soldier on. We’re with you.

  12. It is SO okay NOT to be friggin’ SUPERMOM!, loving wife, extraordinary sales trader, autism advocate and saver of the world 24/7 (and all at the same time)! In fact, it’s impossible! Please stop beating yourself unconscious. You are SO AMAZING!!
    Who thinks you are EVER Miss Merry Sunshine? She and I need to talk.
    Keep taking those big cleansing breaths. Get some sleep. You inspire me daily.
    ILY,
    E

  13. I understand … so completely.

    And, due to a tremendous pain in my left foot that absolutely refuses to go away, I am officially wussing (sp? I’m too tired to look it up..) on our marathon dreams. Blame me. Curse me. I can take it… I am the girl who never gets injured, but I think in this case the universe zapped me just to give you a much-needed break!

    On February 22nd, I vote that we go somewhere and have a nice warm cup of coffee and just … relax!

    All other tired mamas (and dads too) are welcome to join us.

  14. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of not being able to do it all. I am tired of feeling that I don’t do enough. I’m always researching, cooking, planning, trying to figure out which new activities and food I could try with my kids. I’m tired of feeling like a scientist and less like a mom.

    Thanks for your words…it is good to know that I’m not alone!

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