on second thought


“Rabbit’s clever,” said Pooh thoughtfully.
“Yes,”said Piglet, “Rabbit’s clever.”
“And he has Brain.”
“Yes,” said Piglet, “Rabbit has Brain.”
There was a long silence.
“I suppose,” said Pooh, “that that’s why he never understands anything.”

We have a crystal light fixture in our upstairs hallway that throws its light outward onto the ceiling around it. The light feathers out from it and creates an intricate pattern of light and shadow on the ceiling.

This morning, I found Brooke lying down on the hard wood floor beneath the light. I sat down with her and she shifted her head onto my lap but continued to stare at the light.

‘Brooke, what do you see?’

‘I see the music.’

And she began to sing very softly.

‘Twinkle twinkle little star / How I wonder what you are / Up above the world so high / Like a diamond in the sky / Twinkle twinkle little star / How I wonder what you are’

Her small sweet voice is like the smell of baking bread. It wraps itself around me like a warm blanket and leaves me wanting more. But she’s quiet again, staring at the light.

In the light she sees the music.

Did I say I couldn’t identify the upside to her autism?

Maybe, as my dear cousin so lovingly reminded me after last week’s post (see her comment below ‘benefits package’), I just need to start paying closer attention.

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